Rest – where are you?


So yesterday was not a bad day, it wasn’t really a good one either. The pain was really bad, and since the afternoon my left knee has been in so much pain, I can’t put any weight on it. My hands haven’t been any better, I couldn’t even open my juice this morning. It is weeks like this I am at my wits end, everything is so frustrating. The fatigue is awful and I push myself, probably far too much. The pain is so awful and I feel utterly useless. I do everything that I am supposed to, yet I see no improvements and things get worse.

I do need proper rest but my own mind can’t just relax, I feel like I need to be doing things. Meditation is actually such a difficult task because I can’t seem to shut down. I really just have no idea anymore, I guess I need to go with the flow?

I will be looking into counseling next week, I will get Mum to go with me and organise it. I need to drop off my saliva for a midnight saliva test I did to check my cortisol. I got the papers to do the test in May and I only picked up the kit yesterday, this is how bad my memory is. Will go back to the Doctors next week and see the results and discuss perhaps seeing about specialist. I am tempted to apply for a Disability Parking Permit, and for the DSP again, this country and this ridiculous government are making it so difficult for people who actually need help and support to get it. Not everyone is a liar and using the system, I actually need the help and I have no idea if I will get it.

I forgot to check the chemists yesterday for something for my hands, will have to try today. I did treat myself yesterday to some Lego minifigs to try lift my mood and I got Maleficent on blu-ray, which I really enjoyed watching. I read more of Horns, an interesting book. Looks like I will be going to the park for a bit with the family, and my aim for the afternoon is REST! Seriously I need rest, why wont I cooperate with myself?


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