Take me seriously

Yes take me seriously.

You know I didn’t have it in me yesterday to write an entry yesterday, I was in a lot of horrible pain, PMS is kicking in and my mood hasn’t been great. There were tensions with Mum as well, which didn’t really help matters either. I am sure it is frustrating for her to see me like this, and in turn it is frustrating for me to feel like this. In a perfect world I would be fine and tensions wouldn’t exist.

I couldn’t help but feel my chronic illnesses weren’t being taken seriously yesterday. Nothing seems to hurt my feelings more than it being brushed aside and not being taken seriously. I spoke to one of my closest friends on the phone last night and I couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t taking how I felt seriously and it was really hurtful. In turn I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to hurt him.

Coming up this week, he is going to be in town and staying with me, planned is Armageddon Expo on Saturday. Already I feel stressed and full of anxiety over how my body will handle the event. I can’t manage more than 30 minutes straight on my feet and this will likely be all day. The day before I will likely need to be in the city all day for guest interviews. Looking forward to doing that but not being in the city all day and taking public transport. Then that night there is a special screening at the Astor cinema of Superman The Movie with Margot Kidder doing a Q&A and signing autographs. Honestly if two of my female heroines were not at this event I probably would skip it, and I have been attending since 2008. That is how bad my health is right now, things have become that difficult.

Later today I have a counseling session locally, they put my down as an urgent case when I rang Monday. Then later that day I got a call saying I can come in today. I wasn’t expecting it so soon, I have mixed feelings about it. I want to talk to someone but I feel so anxious about it. When I did counseling last year the lady was lovely and understand but again I didn’t feel like I was being taken seriously and she was expecting me to get over everything after a week. I hope my counselor today wont be like that, I want to be heard, taken seriously, and I want someone in my corner.

Will see how things go I guess, I have been in so much pain, feeling so down and depressed (more so than usual) and the fatigue is horrendous. I am not sure this d-ribose is doing much, I have been taken the recommended dose and yesterday right after I drank it I felt a wave of huge dizziness and nausea, so bad I needed to lay down.

I also felt such sadness yesterday finding out two very close people to me had broken up, I love these two people so much and it makes me sad to see they have ended their long relationship. I do worry for them now, I don’t want to see anything bad happen and I hope so much they can get through this.

And finally, I have decided to take a break from the main Fibromyalgia support group on Facebook. As much as I love that place and feel less alone in the world, it just felt way too negative. I can’t handle the negative energy right now, and it seems to be steaming there right now. People are suffering and it is easy to make suggestions and offer opinions, but people seem to think they have the right answers, and no you don’t. I have noticed some people there actually dismiss Fibro altogether. I don’t know if things will change there but I really needed to take a step back. I will share this post there, and I hope I don’t offend anyone, but really, I think there needs to be more positive energy there when someone has a problem.