Not another panic attack


Yes, while I don’t want to openly admit it, I will. I had a panic attack in the wee hours of last night, early this morning.

Pretty much everything is getting to me, the weekend being a big event with Armageddon, the stress, just everything really got to me. The journey to get to the event if I use public transport is between 1 to 2 hours, which is a lot and public transport in big doses sets off symptoms and headaches. I don’t want to go to an event feeling like crap upon arrival, I actually want to have a good time.

Being told that I may have to do that is a nightmare, I didn’t think driving as a favour was too much to ask. It is worrying me that being able to go to a Con is now such a difficult task. My last Con I almost collapsed and I had trouble walking, thankfully I had some good friends who gave me a place to rest for that second afternoon.

I really want to take my niece to this con, she loves all this stuff and I know she will have a blast. Her parents don’t want to take her, and fair enough it isn’t their thing and they are happy if I want to. I do want to, I want to show her everything and introduce her to friends. She is a mini geek, and this is something I know she will enjoy. Will it be added stress? Maybe, but the stress of public transport and having to stay at the event longer than I want to is much more stress.

Up until last night I had a decent day too, I had my first counseling session, which went really well. I feel like I have finally found someone who understands me and took in everything I had to say. Unlike the last counselor I saw, he doesn’t have that ‘quick fix’ attitude like she did. I really felt a weight lift off me by getting everything out, doing it face to face with someone who was actually listening.

Not sure how things will work out this weekend, depends I guess. I feel like in this case I need to be selfish and think about my health. I always put everyone else first and yesterdays counseling session made me realise I need to put myself first once in a while and not feel guilty about it.


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