Tag Archive | fatigue

Yikes I haven’t posted for awhile …

I haven’t posted for awhile, it has been a busy few days. Friday I was out all day, in the city doing media for Armageddon Expo and then Saturday I attended Armageddon Expo. Those two days have set off a big flare up and my fatigue has been horrendous, today wasn’t as bad but still I am not doing well.

I had a busy day today, accompanied Mum to the dentist, then we went to Doncaster and had lunch. Got some party supplies for my birthday BBQ on Saturday and then we went to Greensborough Plaza for a few things.

Finally resting, and tomorrow I have counseling and then Physio in the afternoon.

If I wasn’t with a bad headache I would be writing more.

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Take me seriously

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Yes take me seriously.

You know I didn’t have it in me yesterday to write an entry yesterday, I was in a lot of horrible pain, PMS is kicking in and my mood hasn’t been great. There were tensions with Mum as well, which didn’t really help matters either. I am sure it is frustrating for her to see me like this, and in turn it is frustrating for me to feel like this. In a perfect world I would be fine and tensions wouldn’t exist.

I couldn’t help but feel my chronic illnesses weren’t being taken seriously yesterday. Nothing seems to hurt my feelings more than it being brushed aside and not being taken seriously. I spoke to one of my closest friends on the phone last night and I couldn’t help but feel he wasn’t taking how I felt seriously and it was really hurtful. In turn I didn’t speak up because I didn’t want to hurt him.

Coming up this week, he is going to be in town and staying with me, planned is Armageddon Expo on Saturday. Already I feel stressed and full of anxiety over how my body will handle the event. I can’t manage more than 30 minutes straight on my feet and this will likely be all day. The day before I will likely need to be in the city all day for guest interviews. Looking forward to doing that but not being in the city all day and taking public transport. Then that night there is a special screening at the Astor cinema of Superman The Movie with Margot Kidder doing a Q&A and signing autographs. Honestly if two of my female heroines were not at this event I probably would skip it, and I have been attending since 2008. That is how bad my health is right now, things have become that difficult.

Later today I have a counseling session locally, they put my down as an urgent case when I rang Monday. Then later that day I got a call saying I can come in today. I wasn’t expecting it so soon, I have mixed feelings about it. I want to talk to someone but I feel so anxious about it. When I did counseling last year the lady was lovely and understand but again I didn’t feel like I was being taken seriously and she was expecting me to get over everything after a week. I hope my counselor today wont be like that, I want to be heard, taken seriously, and I want someone in my corner.

Will see how things go I guess, I have been in so much pain, feeling so down and depressed (more so than usual) and the fatigue is horrendous. I am not sure this d-ribose is doing much, I have been taken the recommended dose and yesterday right after I drank it I felt a wave of huge dizziness and nausea, so bad I needed to lay down.

I also felt such sadness yesterday finding out two very close people to me had broken up, I love these two people so much and it makes me sad to see they have ended their long relationship. I do worry for them now, I don’t want to see anything bad happen and I hope so much they can get through this.

And finally, I have decided to take a break from the main Fibromyalgia support group on Facebook. As much as I love that place and feel less alone in the world, it just felt way too negative. I can’t handle the negative energy right now, and it seems to be steaming there right now. People are suffering and it is easy to make suggestions and offer opinions, but people seem to think they have the right answers, and no you don’t. I have noticed some people there actually dismiss Fibro altogether. I don’t know if things will change there but I really needed to take a step back. I will share this post there, and I hope I don’t offend anyone, but really, I think there needs to be more positive energy there when someone has a problem.

Insert Witty Title Here

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I can’t even think of a title for this blog entry, how lame is that? Well I didn’t actually write an entry yesterday because it was a pretty bad day. I couldn’t really type, I was in so much pain, just being on my phone was difficult. I didn’t sleep much and I was in so much pain all over, I barely made it through a short trip to Woolies. The headache was hitting early, so I made it to my local massage place. I had a neck, shoulders and arms massage, painful as anything but it did loosen up my muscles and hopefully blood is flowing better now. After that I came home and had lunch, barely made it through a walk with my dog and I ended up in bed for several hours. After that I just relaxed on the couch and I finished reading Horns. I ended up watching the film as well and had a restless night. That was my Sunday.

I am not having as much trouble walking today, but the pain is so bad. My hands aren’t too bad so I am obviously able to type. It will be *gulp* period time soon so I will be basically useless. Not sure what today holds, but this week I will be getting forms for DSP and the Disabled Parking, as well as looking into the counseling again and seeing my GP at the end of the week when my saliva test results are back in. I want to get the ball rolling as quick as possible, Mum goes away again for a couple of weeks soon. Not really looking forward to being on my own again, in fact it scares me. I struggled last time and my symptoms have been all over the place lately. so I guess I will see.

I plan to go to Armageddon Expo this weekend, I am excited but also not due to how I have been feeling this week. I don’t know how long I will last, if I will manage things, it does scare me but I can’t think about it now because I wont know how my symptoms are being until the end of the week. I like to think ahead and make plans if I can, I like to have a schedule, so I can pace myself.

And next weekend I am having my 30th birthday BBQ, I haven’t had many RSVP’s, which automatically makes me think no one likes me. Which I am sure isn’t the actual case, but that is where my mind automatically goes. Whatever the case, whether a few friends show up or more, I want to have the best time I can have. I know I have missed friends birthdays due to my health and I feel so bad about it, to the point I have cried over it. I can’t help but feel people not coming is their way of making it up to me for not going to theirs. I really don’t know, I haven’t felt happy about this upcoming BBQ, because I keep picturing myself sitting there all alone. I know that what be the case, I just need a pick me up in terms of people actually showing interest.

Don’t know what the rest of Monday has in store for me, I may continue on with another book, I have lots to read and again it is the one thing I can seem to manage even if my concentration is all over the place and I need to reread pages because things went over my head.

Pain = Can’t Sleep = Fatigue = zzzzzzz

l-Sleepy-Panda

Talk about having a bad night, I was wide awake till the wee hours of this morning thanks to agonising pain in my legs, thanks Fibro! I have no idea when I eventually fell asleep, it was however well after the tears from the pain and after taking an ibuprofen in vain. I wound up waking up early, feeling like I had been hit by a brick wall. I had to get up, my dog Roddy needed to go out and pee (I needed to pee, damn full bladder) and he needed to be fed. Now for the last week or so, if I wake up I have been making myself stay up, even if I wake up at 6am. But not this morning, after feeding Roddy I found myself back in bed, my eyes were burning and even then I had trouble getting back to sleep. I eventually woke at around 11:30am, something I hate doing. But I needed the sleep and naturally I am still bloody tired and I have no energy.

I am hoping (again probably in vain) that a drink of d-ribose powder may help but so far I haven’t felt any different taking the stuff. I know we are all different, so I am still holding out hope. I really don’t like thinking negatively about things, but when seemingly nothing works, my mind just automatically goes that way. As much as I try to get my mind away from the negative thinking, it feels like it is on auto pilot. Last year when I was in counselling (I had to stop because I couldn’t afford $130 a week, and my subsidised sessions were used up), I was taught this method of retraining my brain (thanks to Fibro fog I can’t bloody remember what it is called), and I often use that to help but more often than not it fails.

I am hoping to get back into counselling, even if I have to fake being positive so my brain will behave I want to do it. Fear of the unknown doesn’t help, I don’t know whether it will help or not, but considering how tough this year has been and having spent two months without my mother who I live with because she was away, was such a challenge. I came to realise I can’t actually do things people take for granted, some days I couldn’t cook a meal for myself, or manage to shower, or even to get up and dress myself (I spent a lot of time in my PJs or trackies). I am making an effort to get dressed each day and not be in trackies, no matter what is going on. Today though I am in my trackies, and I will attempt to dress myself.

My own future is very uncertain, I may never be able to work or have any kind of normal life, but if I can make it out of bed and do a few normal things, I know my own mental health will be thankful for that. So what does today hold? Well I will attempt to get myself dressed, I am shocked I can type because my hands are in so much pain and I am having trouble just gripping anything, and whether I go out or not, remains to be seen. If anything I want to get some reading done and aim for a cinema trip tomorrow.

Well I am just blabbing here but it helps to get it all out and not keep things bottled up. Maybe this will give some insight into what it is like for me and others who suffer these same issues.

-Marcey