Tag Archive | pain

Insert Witty Title Here

fibromyalgia-cycle

I can’t even think of a title for this blog entry, how lame is that? Well I didn’t actually write an entry yesterday because it was a pretty bad day. I couldn’t really type, I was in so much pain, just being on my phone was difficult. I didn’t sleep much and I was in so much pain all over, I barely made it through a short trip to Woolies. The headache was hitting early, so I made it to my local massage place. I had a neck, shoulders and arms massage, painful as anything but it did loosen up my muscles and hopefully blood is flowing better now. After that I came home and had lunch, barely made it through a walk with my dog and I ended up in bed for several hours. After that I just relaxed on the couch and I finished reading Horns. I ended up watching the film as well and had a restless night. That was my Sunday.

I am not having as much trouble walking today, but the pain is so bad. My hands aren’t too bad so I am obviously able to type. It will be *gulp* period time soon so I will be basically useless. Not sure what today holds, but this week I will be getting forms for DSP and the Disabled Parking, as well as looking into the counseling again and seeing my GP at the end of the week when my saliva test results are back in. I want to get the ball rolling as quick as possible, Mum goes away again for a couple of weeks soon. Not really looking forward to being on my own again, in fact it scares me. I struggled last time and my symptoms have been all over the place lately. so I guess I will see.

I plan to go to Armageddon Expo this weekend, I am excited but also not due to how I have been feeling this week. I don’t know how long I will last, if I will manage things, it does scare me but I can’t think about it now because I wont know how my symptoms are being until the end of the week. I like to think ahead and make plans if I can, I like to have a schedule, so I can pace myself.

And next weekend I am having my 30th birthday BBQ, I haven’t had many RSVP’s, which automatically makes me think no one likes me. Which I am sure isn’t the actual case, but that is where my mind automatically goes. Whatever the case, whether a few friends show up or more, I want to have the best time I can have. I know I have missed friends birthdays due to my health and I feel so bad about it, to the point I have cried over it. I can’t help but feel people not coming is their way of making it up to me for not going to theirs. I really don’t know, I haven’t felt happy about this upcoming BBQ, because I keep picturing myself sitting there all alone. I know that what be the case, I just need a pick me up in terms of people actually showing interest.

Don’t know what the rest of Monday has in store for me, I may continue on with another book, I have lots to read and again it is the one thing I can seem to manage even if my concentration is all over the place and I need to reread pages because things went over my head.

Another sleepless night

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This is where I wish I was right now …

Oh boy, yet another sleepless night. I have no idea how long it took me to eventually fall asleep, even though I felt so tired. I kept waking up once I did fall asleep and I woke up in a cold sweat. I ended up trying to get more sleep this morning but it didn’t amount to much. I was in and still am in a lot of pain.

Yesterday I felt the fatigue really badly, I went to the park but I didn’t last too long before needing to go home. I went back out later and I got a wrist/hand support, they only had one in my size, so I need to alternate which hand it goes on. I feel a touch better with it on, but I really do need to have one on both hands. The pain in my hands and wrist has gotten so bad, it is really upsetting to not be able to hold things, struggle just using my phone and I am fighting the pain and movement to actually type.

I managed to get more reading done with Horns, what a book. Once I finish it I hope I can watch the film version, definitely curious to see how they adapted it. I wrote a review for Gone Girl, only took me a little over a week and my hands are aching from it.

I haven’t felt any changes either from taking the d-ribose powder, which I have upped to 5mg 3 times a day as instructed for Fibro and CFS. I am still getting my low impact exercise every day and if I try to do a bit more, it’s a nightmare. I wanted to start a program at the gym, low impact on one machine for 15 minutes twice a week, and I may have to start with one day a week.

Just getting worse week by week is horrible, I am at my wits end, it is hard to see a life where my symptoms aren’t ruling my life. I wonder if I was ever meant to see any good days with minimal pain ever again. I guess it has to be taken a day at a time, and I can’t tell what will happen but my faith seems to be slipping away.

I am doing all the right things, yet just getting worse. I guess I can see the positive, I am alive and I have family and friends who love me. But no one really seems to understand how I feel and how having these chronic illnesses is absolutely horrible and a disability. Again I hope this blog opens up at least someones eyes as to what it is like.

For now, I am going to try and rest up and aim to hopefully go see a film tomorrow and maybe just maybe it wont result in a migraine.

Rest – where are you?

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So yesterday was not a bad day, it wasn’t really a good one either. The pain was really bad, and since the afternoon my left knee has been in so much pain, I can’t put any weight on it. My hands haven’t been any better, I couldn’t even open my juice this morning. It is weeks like this I am at my wits end, everything is so frustrating. The fatigue is awful and I push myself, probably far too much. The pain is so awful and I feel utterly useless. I do everything that I am supposed to, yet I see no improvements and things get worse.

I do need proper rest but my own mind can’t just relax, I feel like I need to be doing things. Meditation is actually such a difficult task because I can’t seem to shut down. I really just have no idea anymore, I guess I need to go with the flow?

I will be looking into counseling next week, I will get Mum to go with me and organise it. I need to drop off my saliva for a midnight saliva test I did to check my cortisol. I got the papers to do the test in May and I only picked up the kit yesterday, this is how bad my memory is. Will go back to the Doctors next week and see the results and discuss perhaps seeing about specialist. I am tempted to apply for a Disability Parking Permit, and for the DSP again, this country and this ridiculous government are making it so difficult for people who actually need help and support to get it. Not everyone is a liar and using the system, I actually need the help and I have no idea if I will get it.

I forgot to check the chemists yesterday for something for my hands, will have to try today. I did treat myself yesterday to some Lego minifigs to try lift my mood and I got Maleficent on blu-ray, which I really enjoyed watching. I read more of Horns, an interesting book. Looks like I will be going to the park for a bit with the family, and my aim for the afternoon is REST! Seriously I need rest, why wont I cooperate with myself?

Pain filled day yesterday but the sun is out today

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After yesterdays non sleep and total fatigue, the rest of the day was not really that pleasant. The pain was horrible through the day, my hands and legs were especially bad and I was on the verge of getting a migraine all afternoon. Thankfully there were positives to help me through the day, had the neighbours pop in for a little bit, which is always nice.

Made a trip to the local plaza, despite the fact I am basically broke, I finally went into Bras & Things and got remeasured for a bra, my last measurement 2 years ago I was a 16/18 DD, this time around an 18/F – these things seriously do not shrink no matter if I lose weight. So yes, bigger mammaries have no doubt been hurting my back, but a proper fitting bra actually helped. I did spent the money for it, and I noticed right away my posture was already correcting itself and I felt a lot lighter. Good decision.

I also invested in some new books, I purchased Joe Hill’s Horns on Tuesday and I picked up Wild by Cheryl Strayed (my sister has Produced the film version, can’t wait to see it), Midnight Movie by Tobe Hooper (yes the horror director) and a nice edition of Dracula by Bram Stoker, since I don’t actually own my own copy. I have a lot of books to read so hopefully these will keep me occupied while I try and relax as much as possible. Reading is one of the only things left I can do without much discomfort. Considering I am an official film critic and these conditions make it so difficult to watch a film and concentrate and then go and write a review. Doing the reviews in audio forms is much easier and I do find myself forgetting to do them. A step at a time I guess. I may just need to step away from the reviewing for a few weeks and go back in fresh. It is always hard to make that decision and to do something right for myself, as I always feel I am letting someone down.

Last night I had trouble just sitting and being able to watch a few shows with my Mum, I kept turning to my phone to be doing something. I can’t stand that I keep doing it, and it has become a natural action. I am going to actively try to use my phone less, don’t hop on Facebook as much and mainly play a few games. I actually really love playing Kim Kardashian: Hollywood, it is a great escapism game, I am not focusing on myself so my brain actually relaxes itself. And you know I get to be an A list celebrity haha. Hobbies are actually a good thing to have when dealing with chronic illnesses and depression, but when these conditions take away the ability to do them it really is frustrating. I love to sit and colour, but its becoming difficult to use hold a texter. I am in pain doing it and I am losing my grip. I love doing puzzles, yet I end up getting headaches, same with building Lego. My other hobby of doll collecting requires money so I have slowed down my spending there. However I do enjoy changing their clothes and posing them, and there are days I can’t even manage that.

Not sure what I will do today, the sun is out finally after a week of doom and gloom, in typical Melbourne fashion. So I hope I can get some time outside and maybe I will look into getting something for my hands, to hopefully ease the pain or allow me to actually grip things. We shall see … and a trip to the cinema seems unlikely, not feeling it today unfortunately.